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Tricks, Tips and Rules of Selling Weed

First off there are much easier and safer ways of making a buck than selling illegal drugs. however if you feel compelled to eventually get arrested and thrown in jail, but make money during that process then this might aid you in your endeavor.

RULES
rule 1: never tell anyone who you buy from
rule 2: never tell anyone how much you buy at a time AND FOR HOW MUCH
rule 3: never negotiate prices with anyone because once you do they won’t respect you (there are other ways of ensuring repeat customers that i’ll get into later)
rule 4: start out slow
rule 5: expect to be jumped, bothered at all hours of the day and night, pulled over with drugs on you, an upsurge of new “friends”, an upsurge of new enemies (notice there are no quotes around enemies because they are most definitely real and there whether you know about them or not), an upsurge in the amount of time spent around addicting drugs (yes weed is addicting).
rule 6: have an existing plan of action for dealing with each of the situations listed above
rule 7: NEVER FUCKING TELL ANYONE WHO YOU BUY FROM, HOW MUCH YOU BUY AT A TIME, AND FOR HOW MUCH. fucking retards make this mistake all the time. i know it’s moronic and i’ve fucked people over because they got too high and let me weasel it out of them.

TIPS
tip 1: once you find a source of cheap and abundant weed whether growing it yourself or selling it for a friend or whatever your situation, make sure you do everything you can to hold on to it.

tip 2: start selling weed at a cheaper than average price, but not so low to make you lose money. pretty much just break even or smoke for free until you get your client base up and then bring the prices up to normal.

tip 3: once you have your client base do everything you can to hold onto them. this includes smoking out each and everyone of them. do not do this every time just about every third or fifth time. only do a bowl or small joint and then disappear saying you have to go meet someone else in a few and you need to get something to eat or any other BS story. i made myself look like i had plenty of people coming to me and that i thought he/she was cool enough to take a smoke break with. they will like you and remember that, whether they realize it or not.

tip 4: GET THE MONEY FIRST lol this seems like common sense, but i’ve gotten to lackadaisical and forgotten to collect my due. don’t judge me asshole lol

tip 5: be friendly and smile, but not to friendly. as soon as they try to intrude on any of your rules get real serious real quick. don’t piss them off or leave any tension behind, but nip that shit in the bud as quickly and diplomatically as possible.

tip 6: if they ask you to weigh it out in front of them just do it. never let them catch you intentionally trying to gyp them, make sure it always comes out to within .2 of what it’s supposed to be. if it’s .2 short put more in there saying “hmm i guess it was off balance”. (we will go over ways to gyp them in more discreet ways later in the tricks section).

tip 7: build up a tolerance to weed so that you stay more alert after smoking with others. do memory exercises and don’t get lazy. remember you’re not buying it for your own use, you’re the guy/girl selling it trying to make money so remember that! this might sound a little strange, but the last thing you want to do is forget anything because you were to high. inversely you can just say you’re good because you just smoked (this is best, but can be suspicious if done to often). i don’t recommend doing this with any drug other than weed!!

tip 8: never hold more than you think you need to at any given time. what i mean is if you’re going to sell a g to some high school punk then only take that g and maybe a bowl if you decide to smoke them out this time. this may be inconvenient at times, but it saves you in the long run from the police and people who want to beat you up and steal your shit , sometimes they are one in the same. this goes for money as well, don’t take any with you at all. (more on this later in the tricks section)

tip 9: don’t let them know where you live if at all possible.

tip 10: find a niche and fill it like i did your girlfriend. i’m sorry that was uncalled for, i apologize. what i mean is if you live in a town where there are a bunch of rich kids that buy dro all the time then start selling regular. sell them on the point that its more for parties and it lasts them a lot longer (it really doesn’t). also the reverse is true. if you live in a town where everyone buys reggie then start selling dro. sell them on the point that it will get them higher (it will and they’ll start coming to you after they see that). it’s all about quality vs. quantity.

TRICKS
trick 1 : there are many many ways to gyp your clients, some more sinister than others. i’m not going to give away all of my secrets, but i’ll leave you with a few that are tried and true.

– spray bug spray (raid or something) on the nugs. this stuff doesn’t evaporate so it adds weight to them. this one is fucked up, but hey, you’re a drug dealer so stfu or get a real job you douche. this can also be risky, but so is selling drugs.

– if you have multiple scales find one that consistently says there’s more than there really is and use this one for everything. take it with you in case they want you to weigh it in front of them. even if it’s only by .1 that shit adds up son!

– hype your stuff up all the time and believe it yourself. if it’s an okay batch sell it like it’s the shit you had before that was awesome. if it’s awesome then joke around about how it made you forget how to read. the dumber the shit you say the more it works. “you remember that shit i had last time? this is like that, but it tastes waaaay better.” “you remember that good shit you got last time? well this is the motherfucking pump station!” “that shit last time? oh yeah, it may have looked better, but this shit right here? this shit right here! it’ll make you feel like you just had sex with your mom!!” lmao i’ve literally said all kinds of this shit.

– i can’t tell you everything i know because it’ll violate some of my old rules. even though i haven’t sold in years old habits die hard. just be creative and build your own arsenal. it’s like when your dad makes chili and it’s the bomb, but he never tells you how, all he says is, “it’s part of becoming a man, coming up with your own recipe” or something along those lines. i’m still perfecting my chili on my own and so you should perfect your selling methods on your own.

trick 2: there are many places you can go to make lots of money in a short amount of time. some are more risky than others, but they all have one thing in common. you have to bring large amounts of bud with you. this is very risky for several reasons. first off you don’t want to pre-package your shit into a bunch of smaller bags because if you get caught that’s automatically intent to distribute. secondly you don’t want to keep all your shit in one bag because you may come across the wrong person who will just take everything you have from you by force or stealth as soon as they find out you’re carrying that much. so pick your poison.

– parties, you will hear about lots of events through your drug network and you should take advantage of these. don’t worry about not being invited, everyone will know who you are and will be glad to see you. these events are good for two things, selling lots of weed and building your reputation. start buy rolling a blunt elsewhere and bringing it in and passing it around with any and everyone. don’t worry about getting high yourself, but make sure you do take a hit or two. this will show them you’re badass and get their craving for more started at the same time! isn’t it great!? after that proceed to sell your ass off in whatever fashion you see fit. “oh no i don’t have any more blunts i was just stopping by, but i got some more i can sell you before i leave if you want.”

– hookah bars, these are much more risky, but you know most of the people partaking smoke weed too. there are often police near these places and even rent-a-cops inside who contrary to popular belief will bust your shit wide open. at places like these i usually do the pre-package thing so it’s quicker cause i don’t know these fucks.

– the bars/clubs, these are just as sketchy, but well worth it if you know what you’re doing.

DON’T FORGET RULE 4! don’t get overzealous. acquire your skills first. you need to have run from the police and dealt with other people and won first a few times before you get your feet wet at night spots.

Tricks, Tips and Rules of Selling Weed First off there are much easier and safer ways of making a buck than selling illegal drugs. however if you feel compelled to eventually get arrested and

Five tips for growing and selling marijuana like a pro – from a university instructor

The developer behind a Canadian university’s online course for prospective cannabis professionals offers key advice for success in the newly legal business

A worker tends to cannabis plants. Growing marijuana for personal use or illegal sale is not the same as running a professional operation, warns Tegan Adams. Photograph: Abir Sultan/Corbis/Corbis

A worker tends to cannabis plants. Growing marijuana for personal use or illegal sale is not the same as running a professional operation, warns Tegan Adams. Photograph: Abir Sultan/Corbis/Corbis

Last modified on Wed 20 Sep 2017 19.44 BST

I f you’ve had enough of your nine-to-five’s wearying toil, perhaps a change of vocation is in order. The Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Vancouver can recommend an intriguing alternative starting this September: selling pot.

The shady-looking fellow on the corner will tell you that you hardly need a college diploma to sell weed for a living. But Kwantlen’s new 14-week online course will sculpt aspiring dealers into professionals in a robust – and newly legal – field.

The course promises to be a rigorous survey of the landscape of marijuana production and sale, educating prospective growers in everything from irrigation to marketing.

So what exactly makes for a good professional manager of marijuana for medical purposes?

I spoke with Tegan Adams, the programme’s developer and primary instructor, to get a clearer idea of what those eager for education in the discipline can expect.

1. Don’t rely on past experience

There were, of course, “various growers doing it long before it was legal” but even pot veterans find their expertise distinctly lacking. “People have done the best they can given the resources,” Adams says – but growing marijuana for personal use or illegal sale isn’t the same as running a professional operation. “I’ve noticed that there is a pretty big labor shortage in the marijuana industry,” says Adams. “That’s one of the major problems we’re facing right now: there’s no training anyone can take.”

She continues: “A lot of people have been growing for 20 years. That’s great. Chances are they are very knowledgeable about growing the plant. But when it comes to regulations, financials and everything to do with exchange, they have no idea how that part works.”

That’s where Adams and the programme come in. “Having a standardized education system is going to be important to the licensed producers and anyone doing it legally going forward.”

2. Get to know the logistics

Growing and selling marijuana the proper way is rather more difficult than simply popping a plant under a black light in your closet. Doing it right means planning to grow on a large scale – and planning to deal with large-scale problems.

“As with any agricultural crop,” Adams says, “there are going to be ongoing issues with pest management that you need to look at.” Energy consumption, too, poses challenges few people consider. “Indoor facilities especially have huge electrical bills,” Adams points out. “For a four- to five-thousand square foot place you’re looking at around $30,000 a month. That’s a lot. That’s $360,000 a year for the lights in just a small facility.”

A marijuana field. Photograph: Stephanie Paschal / Rex Features

Preparing for such eventualities is a key part of any business plan. “If you were going to grow any crop, you would sit down and make your production plan. You would look at how much money you would spend on different input, and also look at how your production and labour are going to work within regulations.” Of particular importance is the MMPR – the Marijuana for Medical Purposes Regulations, which govern the production of pot for legal use and sale in Canada.

Then there are “environmental monitoring and sanitation issues” unique to the growing of weed. “I think the main challenge,” Adams concludes, “is that marijuana is an agricultural or horticultural crop but it’s being regulated from a pharmaceutical perspective. One of the major challenges is joining the agricultural and pharmaceutical ways of doing things.”

3. Build a client base – and keep them

“A lot of people are buying marijuana,” Adams says. “There’s no doubt about that.” But does that mean the would-be marijuana seller has a built-in clientele? Not necessarily. “It’s going to be quite competitive,” she warns. “There are conglomerates who have already joined. There’s some big money involved. And I think you’re going to see a lot of it move more in that direction.”

The solution? “We need to focus on consumer satisfaction. How do you get your messaging out to your patients? How do you retain them, make them happy, answer their questions? How do you get their loyalty?” Answering those questions, Adams says, is “how you’re going to stay in business in the end”.

One advantage the educated and licensed pot purveyor has over his illegal competitors is consistency. “With legal products you know exactly what you’re getting,” Adams says. “There are pesticide tests to make sure there are no residues on the plants. If you get it from an illegal supplier, those guys aren’t allowed to test their products. You have no idea what they’re putting on their plants. You don’t know how they’re handling it. If you get it from a licensed producer, you know that it’s clean and a lot safer.”

4. Build a boutique brand

With so much money in the marijuana game, it may be difficult for the independent supplier to stand out – unless independence is seized upon as a virtue.

“The main thing that’s important is to make a boutique brand rather than a mainstream one,” Adams says. “As long as that mom and pop store is able to market to its local consumers, it will stay in business. And people in its area may even buy more than they would from, say, Advil because they know them and trust them and like their brand.”

Legal in Canada … for medicinal purposes. Photograph: Alamy

But in the end, it comes down to loyalty and marketing: “With beer and wine the marketing and branding is important but the flavours really contrast. Marijuana strains vary, but in terms of actual flavouring there may be less variation. So it has to do with branding.”

If you’ve got a good product, you’ve got to get it into your customer’s hands and have them come back.

5. Be a well-rounded grower and seller

“I’ve done a lot of consulting work,” Adams says, “and one of the main issues that I see, especially in startups, is that there’s a knowledge gap between the marketing guys and the people on the ground. The people who work in the facility really need to be able to communicate with the patients and marketing side of things, and vice versa. It’s important that both sides understand each other.”

For the prospective grower that means knowing both the production side of the industry as well as the sales: you’ve got to be as good at producing pot as getting someone else to pay for it and smoke it.

For Adams, it’s about a union of personal assets. “You need to be someone who is able to balance technical abilities and social and communications skills,” she says. “Maybe understand numbers and look at finance and know what they need, but can you then go and talk to an upset customer and know what they need, too. That’s the key. Having both skills is necessary.”

The developer behind a Canadian university’s online course for prospective cannabis professionals offers key advice for success in the newly legal business ]]>